Sobriety: The Art of Being Present

So I decided to stop drinking alcohol. I challenged myself to do this for a year, at the time I had no idea where this challenge would take me or how far I could go. I decided to stop drinking alcohol for several reasons. 

The main reason was that my anxiety levels were just through the roof after my mum passed away. I also always thought it's best to ‘drink to be merry’ and at the time I wasn’t feeling so ‘merry’.

There are a few things I noticed throughout my journey of sobriety. I never realised how present I felt and how much control I had over my mind when there were no substances in my body. 

Alcohol can be an escape sometimes and the fact that I wasn't escaping forced me to live in the present and acknowledge every thought and feeling. At first, it was a lot to deal with, because hey, everyone needs a vice I guess…but after a while, my body really got used to it. 

So, I wasn’t originally a heavy drinker however, most times I would go out, I would drink or on the odd work social, drinking would definitely be involved. In my uni days, alcohol was a big part of the culture. If you're not an avid drinker, you think going out and having a couple of drinks isn’t bad. The reality is though, most of us don’t track our alcohol intake, so as much as I’m not an avid drinker and I didn’t drink "that much", sometimes the amount we consume in small periods of time can affect overall mental wellbeing.

Did you know? As alcohol is absorbed into your bloodstream, it basically dulls the part of the brain that controls how your body works, impacting your mood, as well as your ability to make decisions and stay in control. Alcohol is also hepatotoxin, meaning it specifically damages the liver, and this organ is intimately connected to your skin's function. If your liver is distressed, then it will show up on your skin. Over time, overuse increases the chance of many chronic illnesses. [Source: Women’s Health]

So there I was forced to live in the present and have no escape in moments when I'm in social settings, big crowds or around loud music. When I stopped drinking I had to begin thinking about doing things that didn't revolve around alcohol. 

British culture is heavily influenced by drinking. Drinking culture is almost ingrained in the culture. It’s just what you do. It's difficult to constantly be around those environments and to say no or explain why you’re not drinking, so moving away from those environments only felt right to save my own sanity. 

I began to explore different things that made me feel more present and enjoy life in other ways and find different highs and healthy methods to escape. Yoga was one of them. I read more often and started a book club with my sister, I feel reading slows down the pace of life. I journaled frequently and found myself focusing on my passions. I preferred chilling at friends' houses as opposed to going to the club. Dinners were something I enjoyed too, I even picked up badminton every Friday. 

When you stop drinking you’re almost forced to explore things outside of alcohol and you find that there is more to life. The constant theme of ‘being in the present’ crept up again and I felt as if I was actually living life rather than chasing another high or escape. I could feel myself feeling my emotions and going through the motions rather than suppressing them or running away. 

Alcohol is nice for the moment but the aftermath is shit. Due to my mentality and where I was at the time, I couldn’t afford to go from extreme highs to extreme lows. I had to keep a constant and not drinking helped this so much. I found myself going from extreme highs to lows when I would drink, I would feel extremely anxious after a night out and the comedown felt as if reality was about to hit me like a tonne of bricks. I didn’t like this and I hated feeling anxious as I was constantly in my head and just wasn’t living life.

Since I stopped drinking alcohol, I have a newfound respect for addicts. Life is so hard. There are so many people suffering and so many trials and tribulations that we all go through. Alcohol really does take the edge off and allows people to escape for however many hours. Facing reality is the strongest thing anyone can do and when you’re riddled with pain and upset I see exactly why people would rather choose to live outside their minds. I would constantly observe others when I was sober at functions and it amazes me how our minds are completely removed when we’re under the influence. Your mind isn’t there, you’ve literally given control to the drink and wherever the drink takes you, your mind follows. It’s as if I had an epiphany about the effects of alcohol and this escape that many of us chase.

Some people drink to quieten their minds, to take a break from reality, to calm nerves, to feel a buzz, to have fun and just live in a different place for a few moments. I realised how much control I actually have over my body when I don’t drink and how much I can regulate my own thoughts and control my mind. I have way more willpower and the discipline to say no or walk away. It feels empowering but also shocking to think that it’s possible.

Another thing I noticed was the control I had over my emotions. When we drink emotions are heightened to different degrees and can even make us do questionable things. For the first time, I could see how much control I had over my emotions and how I could regulate them much better when impulses kicked in. Being able to challenge my thoughts or say no to particular decisions made me feel so powerful and in control. I didn't have a substance ruling over me or allow other entities to make decisions for me. I could question, ponder on things and not be so reactive. I can sit with my emotions and question every thought and move I make before making them. It allowed me to think with better clarity and my judgement overall was just more sound. I felt healthy.

Feeling things raw can be scary but I would honestly rather feel the feels and allow for time to do its thing so that reality doesn’t feel so ‘raw’. It’s all about finding healthy coping mechanisms and reminding yourself that ‘this too shall pass’. I don’t miss hangovers at all! I always smile to myself after a night out with friends or work when I can wake up comfortably, with not only more energy to go again but also feeling no embarrassment or regret (God that used to be so awful).

Sobriety is a journey of self and requires a lot of grace, patience and love, to truly live in the present and feel everything is a privilege. 

It’s also great to be able to remember your night and feel as if you lived it rather than piecing the puzzles together and having to ask ‘What the hell happened last night?’

C O N S I D E R . . .

Mind - Take each day as it comes by focusing on what you’re going to do in the next minute, second or hour. Tomorrow has its own problems. 

Body - Surround yourself in places where you won’t be tempted or do things that aren’t centered around drinking.

Soul - Remember that tough times don't last & this too shall pass